My new BIRTHDAY 04/29/2012 - MY STORY Part 1

Me?? HIV positive? Nah... I've never felt any symptoms.... I mean cough and cold, fever, rashes and diarrhea... They're just normal right? cant be HIV... cant be HIV.... 

All the guys I had sex with, they looked normal to me. They looked clean.

I always tell all this to myself.  

Kevin, you dont have to be tested. If you are positive it is better that you dont know. At least you'll die not knowing you were infected because you had numerous sex partners.

I have a partner, we've been living together for almost four years now. Prior to being tested, we broke up. I've been single for almost just a month when I told myself if I would start a new life with somebody new, I'd better come clean. I'd better take an HIV test. 

After some research, I found  Migs' blog. The "Love Yourself Project" conducted a mass testing at Harrison Rd. Pasay City. I got in touch with a facilitator named Kiko. He gave me a sort of counseling. 

The day itself..... I was hesitant at first to enter the facility.. It took me three attempts just going back and forth the main door. Finally, I told myself "bahala na!" "Andito kna eh!"...

They assigned one counselor to three clients.. I met Jay and John. 

While waiting for the result, I met other guys who I consider now my friends...

Finally, Jay and John's results were given. My counselor told me I had to wait for few more minutes..

So I waited... I wanted to describe how I felt while waiting but I cant seem to find the right words to tell exactly how I felt. It was mixed emotions... nerve wracking... agonizing.... breathtaking ( I meant literally)..

10 minutes... 20 minutes.... 30 minutes... 35 minutes... 

I saw other guys, who came later, were given their results.

40 minutes... 45 minutes....

Thats it!!! I told someone who was sitting beside me "Magyoyosi lang aq!"

While smoking... I prayed.. "Lord, parang alam ko na.... Pero bakit??? bakit ako???"

When I came back, my counselor had my results. 

He said he didnt open it yet.. That they are not allowed to see the result without the patient/client.

He said "nonreactive ka sa syphilis"

- Thank God! I said.

"Nonreactive ka sa HEPA!" 

 - Good Lord! I uttered.

It took him 3 seconds... to finally speak again...

For HIV..... "REACTIVE KA" 

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You see the dots?? That was like my initial reaction... BLANK....

I could'nt remember how many OHMYGODs I said...

I cried....  You wont be able to imagine how it feels like knowing your days might be numbered...

My counselor was giving me all sorts of advice... It somehow did not matter at that moment...

When I finally had the strength to speak up, I told him..

I have a partner... He might be positive... How would I tell him?? 

I love him.. He should be negative... 

 I can handle this... 

But if he has this???   


My God!!!!

To be continued....