Anyway, I was busy the past days because a new schoolyear is about to start. And while checking the ppt presentations saved in my USB I came across a break -up letter for Chart. This letter I wrote before Chart himself broke up with me. (We broke up for a month. We reconciled after knowing both of our status..)
Okay.. so this letter is so dramatic.. I wish he wont read this.. He doesnt read my blog that often anyway.. I so regret writing this letter.. God knows I love him more than anyone's understanding of love...
To Chart, if ever you read this.. Im sorry I doubted my love.. OUR LOVE..
It wont happen again.. I swear to GOD!
I LOVE YOU FOREVER....
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Chart,
It has been quite a long time that we’ve been together. We shared memories. Some are sad while most are happy. You are ideal. Every gay guy would wish a partner just like you. I wanted “us” to be forever. I really did. I learned to embrace everything about you. How many times I told myself, you are all I could ever wish for? I lost count. With all the trials we’ve been through, I thought they made us stronger. I also thought the trials made me in the same way stronger too! Now I am here, typing the right words to contextualize how I really feel. I realize I am still the same man I was before… weak.. immature… unpredictable. I felt this feeling before; in fact I was scared it would reoccur in me. I don’t know if after typing these sentiments, Id have the courage to disclose and give you this letter. I may just delete and forget about this.
I care about you, your family and your friends and mine whom I know will be greatly affected. But truth must be known. I fought and really tried my best not to entertain what I am feeling.
With both of our busy schedules and our work time difference, I realized you have become second to all my priorities. That is so unfair to you. This relationship has become a hindrance to a lot of things I still want to do and accomplish. This may sound immature, I know! But please believe that I am hurting because I know you deserve someone who will make you his priority. Someone who will love you even more than the limitless love you have given me…someone who will be more than willing to make you happy.
Many times you told me I don’t love you the same way you love me. And for all those times I am sorry.
Many times, Id stare at you and ask myself what the heck am I thinking. This is not the same feeling I felt that we’ve fought and survived before. This time, I know I want to be free. This may sound selfish, unfair, and rude. But this is the truth.
I am just not happy anymore.
I still love you! I really do! But this kind of love is not strong for me to still drive myself into thinking that this is the kind of relationship I want.
I don’t have another man. If there is one thing I wouldn’t do, that is to replace you or cheat on you.
I know this will cause an argument. I know this will hurt you. I know you will please me and ask me to stay. Please don’t! It would hurt me so bad to see you get hurt and cry.
I don’t know what will happen after this. I didn’t plan this.. I just want to voice out the truth! I want a new life.. I don’t want to fool you anymore and tell you I love you the same way as before.
They say if you really love someone, let him go. I guess that is one thing we both must do.
I am letting you go and asking you to do the same.
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